


Ryan and Claribel in Modelland

by ElineHasAllTheFeels



Category: Celebrity Book Club, Claribel A. Ortega, Modelland, Ryan La Sala
Genre: Gen, How does this Even Work?, Lesbian pouch, Podcast taping gone wrong, Ryan and Claribel end up in Modelland, it's not like Tyra explains anything herself anyway, who cares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 20:22:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30145104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElineHasAllTheFeels/pseuds/ElineHasAllTheFeels
Summary: Ryan and Claribel are the hosts of the popular podcast Celebrity Book Club where they discuss 'Modelland' by Tyra Banks. After recording a very intense episode, they somehow end up in the very world they love to talk about. How will Ryan and Claribel deal with being a part of the De La Crème family? Who will grab the gherkins? And most of all, what will happen to the lesbian pouch?Claribel uses she/they pronouns, Ryan uses any pronouns.
Kudos: 1





	Ryan and Claribel in Modelland

‘And that’s it, hot queens! We hope to see you again next week for yet another episode!’

Ryan shuts off the recording and lets out a massive sigh. How were they going to edit those two hours of brilliance into just one episode? Life is hard for the Celebrity Book Club hosts.

‘Claribel, I can’t.’

‘Ryan, I know exactly how you feel.’

The two hosts look at each other for a second, both feeling the weight of what they had just recorded. This hadn’t been just any old episode. In this episode, Tookie arrived at Modelland.

‘You know we had to,’ Ryan says. Claribel nods, but it does nothing to take the pressure off their heart. Would the listeners be able to take it? Would the world be ready? They were afraid that Tyra had gone too far this time, and there was nothing the two of them could do about it.

Trying to break the tension, Ryan gets up from among the fur coats in the closet and says, ‘Maybe Eunice will have some more of those mini quiches downstairs. They’re wasted on the Moby Dick crowd anyway.’ He pulls Claribel to her feet and opens the door, only to be met by… Another door? This isn’t right.

Ryan turns to Claribel and they shrug. Maybe Eunice remodelled?

Pushing through the second door, they find themselves in a room that is barely holding itself together. Ducttape is covering holes in the floor, ducttape is keeping the doors in its frames, ducttape is keeping the ceiling from caving in. The room is grand though, almost as if it is part of a mansion.

‘No,’ Claribel whispers.

‘This cannot be,’ Ryan whispers back.

‘WHERE ARE MY GHERKINS?’ someone shrieks.

Claribel and Ryan stand there, frozen in place, as no other than Creamy De La Crème enters the room. It is not hard to identify her, as she is holding a pillow with a porcelain doll on it. She storms into the room, points at Ryan and bellows, ‘You!’

Ryan looks behind them, unsure who Creamy means. The door through which they came has disappeared, and as Ryan turns all they see is a family picture of the De La Cremes. Tookie is laying on the floor in the corner of the frame, like the true Forgetagall she is. Only… is that Claribel in the picture, hiding behind mister De La Crème?? And is that Ryan himself, holding Bellisima as if they are in the Lion King???

‘Me?’ Ryan asks, ripping his eyes away from the picture.

‘Yes, you, you idiot! Put those baby fingers to use and get me my gherkins!’

Ryan mouths _What is happening???_ to Claribel as he makes his way to the kitchen where the gherkins presumably are. Claribel misses this though, as they are too busy staring at mister De La Crème polishing a sword in the corner.

‘Creamy, tell our children to get ready.’

‘Tell them yourself.’

‘I am obviously busy.’

‘You are a failed acrobat, you are not busy.’

‘UGH.’

Taking his sword with him, mister De La Crème storms out of the room. Meanwhile, Ryan returns from the kitchen with a big jar of gherkins. They open it and fish one out. Creamy opens her mouth expectantly, and making a face, Ryan lays the gherkin on her tongue.

‘What the fuck is happening,’ Claribel demands.

‘Language!’ Creamy shrieks. ‘We are all here to support your sister on this very important day, so you better stop acting like such terrible brats! You are De La Crèmes, stop embarrassing me!’

‘You are De La… I am not drunk enough for this.’

Ryan returns to the kitchen, presumably to make himself a drink. Claribel follows, because they too are not drunk enough for this.

‘What the fuck?’

‘What the fuck.’

‘What the actual living fuck.’

‘Fuck.’

The two of them stand there, swirling the umbrella in their cocktail around, when they hear knocking on the window. They look outside and see a girl in a hospital gown. ‘That must be Lizzie!’ Ryan says.

From the living room, they can hear mr. and mrs. De La Crème shouting at Tookie to come downstairs and praising Myracle for being their wonderful child. It is very clear to Ryan and Claribel that they need to get out of there, and they need to get out of there fast. Lizzie taps on the window again, and thinking things cannot get any worse anyway, Claribel opens the window and jumps out, quickly followed by Ryan.

‘Finally! What took you so long?’

Lizzie paces in the garden, clearly agitated. She keeps looking over her shoulder, which is probably fair considering she escaped a mental institution and they’re on the hunt for her again. Claribel puts up a hand and demands Lizzie explain what is going on.

‘What’s going on? We’re running away, of course!’

‘But we only just got here?’

Lizzie smiles, shaking her head. ‘Silly Ryan. You’ve been here the entire time!’

‘How long is the entire time?’ Claribel wonders, her head somewhat dazzled by whatever is going on. Could we go as far as saying her head is bedazzled? Buy Be Dazzled by Ryan La Sala, out now wherever books are sold!

‘Since the beginning of this book of course!’

Ryan nods, backing away slowly. Claribel gets the hint and follows her best friend. Lizzie tries to follow them, but Claribel puts up a hand. ‘You cannot come with is, Lizzie,’ Claribel says.

Lizzie nods, understanding dawning on her face. ‘I am only a plot device introduced every once in a while to make Tookie seem more caring and human. I get it.’

Then, from inside the house, screaming can be heard.

‘RYAN AND CLARIBEL DE LA CRÈME, WHERE ARE YOU? YOU ARE RUINING EVERYTHING FOR YOUR SISTER!’

Ryan looks at Claribel, and Claribel looks at Ryan. There is understanding in those eyes. Without having to say a word, they turn around and sprint away as fast as they can, away from the house with their family members, apparently.

‘What is happening??’ Claribel yells, cocktail still firmly in hand.

‘Hell if I know!’ Ryan yells back, wheezing as he hasn’t run since the beginning of the pandemic.

As they run through the streets of what they presume is Metopia, Ryan takes a sip from his drink and says, ‘How could things possibly get worse?’

And just like that, the ground in front of them splits open, a lesbian pouch appears, and the two of them are scooped up into it.

‘You should not have come!’ a voice bellows.

‘Tell me about it!’ Ryan yells.

The lesbian pouch starts floating, and Claribel grabs Ryan’s hand. ‘Is this how we die?’ she whispers. The two of them share a surprisingly emotional moment that is in no way shape or form described as it should be, just the way Tyra would’ve wanted.

The voice starts to laugh. ‘Die?’ it asks. ‘No. What is going to happen to you is way worse. You are going to Modelland.’

Ryan and Claribel scream, and everything fades to black.

To be continued.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends! I am a big fan of this podcast, so naturally I had to write a fanfic about it. If you have any suggestions for future chapters, please share! And if you're leaving a comment, know that Claribel uses she/they pronouns, Ryan uses any pronouns, and my pronouns are she/her.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Stan Celebrity Book Club!


End file.
